We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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