I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
