remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
