just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
