i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You made out with two different species that night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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