I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im six kinds of drunk right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
