dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
