i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
