She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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