I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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