my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
