Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
