Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
