that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
