he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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