i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
