forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Panties = found
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