Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
