help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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