bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
