hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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