my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she pinky promised me she was 18
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
