you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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