3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
