I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
