That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
