My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
