My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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