I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
