yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
