smell my finger.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
