my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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