dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
