I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
