what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
