My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize