The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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