were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
