State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
