I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
