I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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