i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
