woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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