My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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