it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
