Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize