piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
