Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
