Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
