College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
