clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize