I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
