I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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