So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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