What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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