Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
