Pappa wants mamma naked
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
