We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
