I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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