the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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