It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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