problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
