I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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