Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize