just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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