How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
