I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
