I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
