sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
