I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize