My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
