Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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