Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
