i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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